the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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