you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
