Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
