Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
