I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
