I am puke
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize