Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
id be glad to
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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