That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
