ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
