Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
