I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
