you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
