I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
