Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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