Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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