My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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