Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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