do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
