I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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