are you still at the devil's house?
Screwed.edu
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
