Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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