How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
