her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
