my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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