you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize