This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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