Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
