just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
