Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize