I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
