you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize