I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
