is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
