The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
