Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
