I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
