Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
