i just wanna soil my oats bro
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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