you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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