If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
