you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
