I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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