Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just cut my nipple shaving
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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