I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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