you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
