He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
