I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's even glitter on my cock...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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