I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
