I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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