They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
