you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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