i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
