the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
