spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
