don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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