Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
