i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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