I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We are two peas in an std pod
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
