two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize