Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
