so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
