: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
