I could have mohawked her pubes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
