just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize