i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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