At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
