i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
