Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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