Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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