so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
