I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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